First of all I want to apologize for slacking off so much with a lack of blog posts lately. I have been super busy with work (thank god for OT!) and just haven’t made time to post meaningless nothingness on here. So to motivate me I posted a bulletin on myspace.com my profile telling people that I would blog about the first subject that someone wrote me back with. My sister was the first to write in, and said that I have to write about April fools day. I also promised to post a pic of whoever wrote me first.A deal is a deal, so here we go:
Far and away my favorite holiday is April fools day. You can keep your Christmas and Birthdays, I want my April 1st!!!! As long as I can remember I have always looked forward that wonderful day; plotting and planning my dastardly deeds. Not to toot my own horn, but I have to say that I’ve had some pretty good ones:
April 1st, 198something. One of my first great pranks made me very proud. I unscrewed or removed every light bulb from every lamp and light fixture in the house before my parents came home. I then sat in my room and laughed as my Dad went to the garage and started throwing breakers. My Mom was inside, and every time he would throw a breaker (and another clock or VCR would reset 
) he would yell “Was that it?” and mom from the inside would reply, “No, try another one”. I let the process repeat about 10 times, resetting every electronic device we owned before I screamed April fools, and then ran for my life.
April 1, 1993: 8th Grade. My step brother was house/baby sitting for us while my parents were out of town. I procured some blank detention and ISS (in school suspension) forms and enlisted the help of one of my female classmates. I had her fill out the forms in nice girly handwriting that could never be confused as being a forgery in my penmanship. As may still be the practice, when we got in trouble at school we had to have our parents sign the forms and take them back to school the next day. My stepbrother went out to eat with his lady friend, and upon his return he found 3 slips and a note from me attached to the door leading into the house from the garage. I listened from upstairs as he read the paper work:
“Kevin, please sign these forms for me, I have to take them back to school tomorrow, thanks Zach….” Then he and his girl friend “what the hell are these…” As he continued to read my scandalous adventures “ detention… Zach sexually assaulted a young lady at school with inappropriate contact in the class room…..What the hell? Second detention: Zach was verbally abusive and cursed at two teachers when confronted about his behavior…. Suspension notice….He’s suspended for 6 days…”. I couldn’t hear the end of what they said because as I heard his blood pressure rising as he read on, I knew I had to retreat back to my room for part two of my plan. I tried to play it cool and act like I was studying on my bed when he kicked the door open. He asked me what the hell this was all about with the slips in his hand, and I had to FIGHT to keep a straight face as I told him the story that I had practiced at least 20 times. “I couldn’t help it. We were sitting in class and the next thing I knew my hands were up her shirt. Kevin, this girl was asking for it, you should have seen what she was wearing! The only girl in 8th grade that is that hot with a body like that wearing a tight low cut shirt. You would have done the same thing. Why would she wear that if she didn’t want someone to touch.” The last sentence was spoken really quickly because as I made the “she was asking for it” comment his eyes did the same thing that happens in cartoons when people get mad. I could see them swell up and get red. The guy was about to kill me, so I move to the other side of my bed to create a little distance. As he started to charge I said the magic words “April fools!”. It would seem that when you are so upset that you are about to kill a 8th grader, that it takes a few seconds and a few panic filled repeats of the magic words before they sink in. He didn’t stop charging until the 3rd or 4th “April Fools!” He couldn’t laugh about it for another few hours. He was so worked up and so pissed off that the humor escaped him until his blood pressure returned to normal.
April 1st 2003: Have you ever wanted to know how your boss would react if you quit? Well, I used that day to find out. I took my boss at the time back into the safe room and told her t hat I was putting in my 2 week notice. She was 6 months prego, the store was way understaffed and already having huge problems keeping up. I could see her just deflate when I told her I was quitting. I knew what she was thinking… she was going to have to go from working 12hrs 6 days a week to 16 hours 7 days a week for a while because I opened the store for her. Then she tried to be cool about it and asked me where I was going. I rambled on for about 10 mins with this cockamamie story I made up about getting a job for an international company where I would go to Africa and 3rd world countries and project manage westernization projects (roads, water treatment ,power, infrastructure etc.). I went into all these details about how the money was ok, but I’d travel the world and not have to pay taxes…and I ‘d always wanted to go to Africa. She was sitting slouched over and dejected trying to act interested for about 10 mins. Then she got out the resignation form and asked me to fill it out. Man, as I think about this, I’m really evil!!! I think I made her look up my hire date and some other info while I filled the form out. In the reason for leaving section, I write in 4 inch letters: APRIL FOOLS! I handed her the paper a few mins later and slowly started to walk away and create distance (prego girls run like gazelles and hit like prize fighters, their babies use their bladder as a punching bag, so they are ready for some revenge!!!). I could see her face as she read it. It took a few seconds for it to sink in that it was all a joke…. She came after me throwing pens and cussing my name. I barely escaped with my life. I used a variation of the same story to write an e-mail to my girlfriend at the time. We were on again- off again (off at the time) and that had a outcome that was very different than what I expected.
Has the prankster ever been pranked? April 1st 1996. Driving home from school in a pack of cars in a school zone I noticed a motorcycle cop parked up ahead. I hated those guys because they always used to stake out some of the unmarked (no lights, just times written down) school zones near Plano Senior High. As I passed him I saw him make a U-Turn and start weaving through the mass of cars. I thought to myself, man he’s going after someone. I was right, but that someone was me. He pulled up on my bumper and told me to pull over. WTF? I was smack dab in the middle of 30 cars and there was NO way I was speeding. I pulled over into the Burger King parking lot by school and he came up and asked me for my license and insurance. Typical moto cop. No smile, all business. He went back to his bike and ran my info as I sat there watching all of my friends drive by laughing at me for getting pulled over. Ten mins later or so he comes back and says: “Son, do you know why I pulled you over?” I went through all of the standard banter. I couldn’t have been speeding, is there something wrong with my car…yadda yaddda yadda. He starts to raise his voice and give me a lecture about how he knows what I did… then he leans over and says that he needs me to sign this ticket. He hands me his ticket book and a pen. On the front page is a hand written note: I got you! April Fools!!!! Mom
Owned.
